Confronting Ghosts from the Past.

A week ago, I was watching an episode of “This is Us” (new episode, a bit of spoiler alert) and it was about Kate confronting Marc, not when she was young but older, in her present self. She realized she hadn’t had closure from that toxic relationship, and she wanted to get over it, and continue her life with her amazing husband, who really loves her and appreciates her as she is.

This episode made me think about my toxic “relationship”, and how I didn’t know how it had marked part of my life.

I thought for year that I was over it, and the whole drama it brought me was in the past, but when speaking to my therapist I realized that a lot of my “love” decisions were based on that experience from my past. I used to carry so much guilt, and I thought it was all on me, and that he had nothing to be blamed about, even though there was a 10-year gap between us, and I was kind of innocent.

It was my first “relationship”, even though he never saw it that way, I was a game, and even though I kind of knew it, I did not, it is weird, I know.

I compromised my self-esteem and my self-worth, it is like Kate mentions in that episode to Marc: “What you did to me, how you held my self-esteem in your hand, and then you decided to crush it, that damaged me Marc, for years.”

And it is not playing victim or whatsoever, is more realizing how she was played, or anyone that has been on a toxic relationship with someone who is “wiser” and knows how to fool people and work around their broken parts or insecurities for their own personal gain. So, yea, it is not playing victim but placing the real guilt on the person that deserves it, is in a way fighting back and regaining oneself.

That is what I did like 3 months ago, not confronted, but eliminated from all social media, even though we had not seen in years, maybe like 10 or 11, I still followed him in social media, until one day I asked myself “Why?”. It was not making sense anymore, why do I want to see all the lies he tells on Facebook or Insta, it finally stopped making sense.

I didn’t owe him anything, just all the tears, and stupid decisions and guilt, he is nothing to me, so I decided to finally say good-bye, on my own way.

As I keep saying on my posts, never compromise what makes you “You”, because at the end is your self-esteem and your self-worth that will pay the consequences. Be brave and love yourself.

I close this blog with Kate’s final words “I’m not broken, you are the one that is broken, you are the disease, and I am not caring it a moment longer, so, I give it back to you, good luck with it Marc.”